Is my life perfect? Not by any stretch of the imagination. I have scrapes, scars and baggage that often slows me down. However, I have discovered that love covers all imperfections. God has given me and incredible family and they have been there during my darkest, and most anxious, days. They have watched me fight the battles of my mental disorders, and have never once left my side. I am loved because of my imperfection. Because I am not defined by the blemishes in my life, but by my heart. Anxiety has not defeated me because my heart is full of joy and peace in the face of my trials.
Purhaps we need to redefine what perfection is? God, and those who truly love us, don’t love us conditionally. They make a decision everyday to continue showering us with love no matter what we do. That sounds pretty perfect to me!
I have touched on this topic in the past, but it has been brought to my attention again, and I believe that it is something that should stay in the forefront of our minds. We all go through hardships in our lives, some more than others. There is nothing we can do to change what has happened in our past, but we can change what happens in the future. After we have finally made it to the other side of our struggles, we are able to reflect upon them and discover that we are stronger. We are also able to support others who are going through the same struggles. No one understands more than someone with first-hand experience.
Since my anxiety manifested itself in my adolescence, I have always prayed for it to be taken away. I always thought there was something wrong with me, and that I was doing something wrong in my life because I continued to struggle with it even though I felt as if I continually prayed for God to take my burden. Over the years I became disheartened and fell further into anxiety. There were times when I had no anxiety and I was so thankful! However, it kept returning and I kept wondering what was wrong with me.
After years of thinking I was doing something wrong, God has finally made it clear to me that it is NOTHING I have done. I am not a bad person. I do not lack faith. It is purely a biological imbalance. I do not want to say that it is a flaw, because I do not believe that God makes mistakes. Do I wish that I didn’t have anxiety? More than anything. However, I am at the point where I am able to see that my anxiety has a purpose. There is a reason why my struggle is anxiety. I think that it is so I can help others who suffer from the same affliction. I have always had the gift of gab, combined with the inability to be embarrassed. These qualities combined allow me to open up to others and share my story. Provide hope for those around me who feel as if they have nothing left.
I am here to tell you now that there is something left. You have so much to give, even if you are flawed. Even if you are afraid. We are all afraid at one time or another. What matters is what we decide to do with that fear. Will we allow it to tear us down and defeat us? Or will we use it to propel us forward and overcome the hardships? What will you choose?