Having anxiety and being a good wife can be difficult. I know my anxiety can make me appear selfish. I get caught up in my own fear and worry and in the process forget about his needs. This has happened in the past so I am working to ensure this doesn’t become a regular occurrence. I want to be sure that my husband’s needs are met, however, I learned that if I do not take care of myself first, then I am in condition to be Wife of the Year.
When I was lost to anxiety last year I saw no one else. I felt nothing but anxiety and could think of little more. My husband wasn’t even on my radar. During that time we drifted far apart, and the worst thing about it was that I didn’t even notice. I was so wrapped up in myself that I lost sight of him. He was going through a lot in his life as well. Starting a new job, working towards his masters degree, and learning to manage his own anxiety while holding a position of leadership. I didn’t bother to reach out to him to support him. I only thought of how anxious I was.
I may sound a little hard on myself, however, it is reality. I don’t want to sugarcoat my behaviors. I think I needed a little Come To Jesus Talk. When I finally realized I needed help, and I got the help I needed was able to overcome my anxiety with the support of my family. It feels good to be able to help serve others instead of being trapped in my own anxiety.
I want to fulfill all of my husband’s needs and show him that he is truly loved. I am blessed to have a man who always stands beside me, in sickness and in health, and I will forever strive to return those vows. Anxiety or no Anxiety!
**P.S. Those rings in the picture are ours! He picked out the ring and I was so proud of him!**
I believe a common misconception in this day and age, is that love is a feeling, and once you have that feeling the world will be butterflies and rainbows forever. That loves means we will never have to put forth any effort to continue the passion with our partner. Now, I do not claim to be an expert by any means. I have only been married for 20 months. I am still growing and learning about true and honest love. However, I believe that marriage can be compared to the waves in the ocean. There are wonderful times where both parties feel connected and satisfied, and there are times where there is conflict and tension that leads to a disconnect. These times of conflict does not reflect an unhealthy marriage. In fact, I believe these times are a sign of a healthy one, as long as both spouses work through it as a team.
Over these past 20 months, I have learned a lot about myself and what I thought love was. I said I understood love was difficult, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy and carefree all the time. However, when my husband, whom I adore, and I reached difficult times where we struggled to stay connected, the full weight of “it’s not going to be easy” struck me. We have found our most difficult times are when we are lost in our daily routines. Those times when we go through the motions of our day and neglect to get outside of our comfort zones to show each other how much we truly care.
These times of tension and discomfort, are the times when my husband and I grow the most. To get beyond the friction, we are forced to examine ourselves and discover areas where we can improve upon that will allow us to become a better partner. Often times I compare these trials to a rock being polished. For the rock to become smooth and desirable, it must undergo pressure and refinement. That is exactly true for a marriage. If a couple was to stay stagnant, and be without tension or conflict, then they could never grow stronger. Again, this could be comparable to muscles. The only way for muscles to become stronger is to push, stretch and lift them until they bulk up. A marriage without strengthening will crumble when difficulties arise. I do not want to be one of those who crumble.
Marriage is a beautiful design for two people to merge their lives into one. It is not easy, but once we reach the other side of tension and find ourselves back into an easy flow, we all become stronger and closer.
This week I have been learning a lot about personal boundaries. I have taken on a lot, which I don’t mind doing, however, I have put my own responsibilities on hold to help others. Sometimes I think that it is important that I take care of me first, and then help others. I do not want to spend the year neglecting myself, and risking my anxiety healing sliding backwards. I believe that if I begin prioritizing my duties, I will be able to be more effective. I am loving all the leadership I am getting, and I am learning so much, I just want to be sure that I do not forget about myself. 🙂
I think many people struggle with this. Boundaries are important to have in all areas of life. If people know that you do not have boundaries they will start taking advantage of you. I believe that it is vital to our health, to make sure we take time to unwind and relieve our stress. I have a difficult setting boundaries when it comes to people. I tend to be a people pleaser, and I can be uncomfortable when I feel that someone is disappointed with me. My husband has told me that I normally do this at work and put a lot of myself into relationships with others and they don’t return the effort. He is helping me focus on the job and not worry about what others think. I do not want to be a door mat!