I am still chugging away at my novel! I am just over 24,500 words now and it has felt like a lifetime of effort! I flew through the first 20,000 and the last two weeks all I have been able to do is 4,000 words.
Being a mom, teacher and wife takes up all of my time. Add on housework, Christmas shopping, working out, grading essays, and countless other responsibilities that are required for caring for a two year old: there just is no time left to write. And when I do find the time, I feel exhausted and don’t want to write. Then I feel guilty. It has been a cycle! Ugh!
It has been a huge undertaking to commit to writing every single day. I have only missed three days since Nov 1. I am really proud to say that. Some days all I can get out are like 30 words, but it counts. It all adds up.
I have been learning that I don’t have be ashamed of small progress. I have to stop putting myself down when I don’t live up to the incredibly high standards I set for myself. Slow and steady. One step at a time. One word at a time.
I will write my novel. It will happen. It is happening. It’s growing everyday. And for that, I am proud!
It has been just under a week since my husband and I found out that we are pregnant, and the news still hasn’t fully sunk-in. I keep having moments of face-slapping reality hit me at random times, when at the same time it still feels like we are still just having hypothetical conversations. It is all very confusing and exhilarating! I am not sure when it will all become fully real, but I am continuing to thank God each day and pray that development goes well.
As for my anxiety, yesterday it hit me full force. I was feeling incredibly dizzy and nauseous, and my husband and I had to go to a meeting to discuss paperwork with our relator. Our relator’s office was incredibly small, and I was sitting up against the wall when I started to feel a panic attack coming on. It has been two years since my last attack, and I didn’t want to regress so I told my husband what was happening, when the relator stepped out, and he helped redirect my thoughts. Luckily, the meeting wasn’t very long and I was able to talk myself down from going into a full blown attack.
Yesterday made me very anxious about the next few weeks in my pregnancy, where the morning sickness will be at its peak. So far, yesterday was the only day where I felt any of those symptoms, but unfortunately, one of my anxiety triggers is feeling sick in public, so it is beginning to feel like an endless obsessive circle.
To help combat these anxious thoughts, I have been open with my husband and my closest friends about how I have been feeling, because going through anxiety alone only exacerbates my symptoms. Also, I am going to work on keeping positive thoughts and not allowing myself to get sucked into negativing thinking.
What was anxiety like for you when you were pregnant?