Currently, my husband is getting his masters degree in educational leadership, and I am so proud of all the hard work he has invested into the program. He goes to work all day, as the Dean of Students at our middle school, and then comes home and works on his homework until he goes to bed. This has been going on for a year and a half.
To add to his stress and success, This past Monday, he began working as the Vice Principal! He is now filling the role of Vice Principal and the Dean of Students, all while he is balancing the final 16 weeks of his Masters. Talk about a crazy schedule!
Obviously with a schedule this jam packed and overloaded, we do not get a lot of quality time. Of course it is incredibly difficult for me, but I have been working on understanding the stress and strain he has been under. I noticed I had been arguing a lot with him about how he doesn’t have time for me, but I need to remember that he is doing all of this work to provide for me and support the dreams and aspirations I have for my future.
My question is, have any of you ever been in this situation? I feel out of my element and I do not know how best to support him. What are your thoughts?
I must admit that this week has been horrendously long and outrageously stressful. Unexpected tasks seemed to pop up out of nowhere and my attitude started to sour. I have to say, tears were involved.
However, my core support team of friends and family were right there for me, cheering me along. When I felt I couldn’t carry on, they told me I could do it and helped me back onto my feet. They were utterly amazing.
I know that I couldn’t have made it though the week without a huge mental breakdown if my friends and family had not been there for me. Also, had I not opened up to them, they wouldn’t of known I needed them so badly. I believe it is critical for us to open up, even if we feel ashamed, to those closest to us. Those who love us will never judge. They will only open their arms widely and welcome us into their embrace.
When you suffer from anxiety, as I do, it is vital to have at least one person on whom you lean on during your most difficult times. A person who will love and accept you, just as you are. Someone who knows the way you need to be soothed during a panic attack, or knows just the right words to string together to form the perfect verbal cure for your affliction. Facing anxiety alone is never a wise decision. Believe me, I tried for years. In my own ignorance of my disorder, I felt that I could take care of myself. I thought that if I could not handle my own anxiety I was weak. However, as time has passed, and I have discovered more about anxiety, I realize now that my refusal to reach out for help, whether medical or emotional, was my true weakness. My pride blocked my road to healing for so many years. Once I was finally able to reach out to those around me, I began to heal and find my way back to myself.
My family has truly been the strongest support in my life. This includes my darling husband, loving parents, my supportive brother. My in-laws have also supported me in times when I needed a shoulder to cry on or an ear to yell at. I would not be this far in the healing process without them.
I believe that God has been beside me throughout my entire journey, however, I was too stubborn to accept His guidance. I thought I would be able to face it myself and I knew better than He did. My way was best. Of course, I was wrong. Over the years I heard the faintest whisper to reach out and tell people what was really going on instead of hiding behind plastic smiles and forced laughter. Only when I decided to listen to the whispers and expose myself to those around me, did I receive the greatest blessing I could have ever received. Support. My biggest fear was that people would think I was crazy or creating drama in my own mind. I thought people would change their opinion of me and stop wanting to be around me. These thoughts couldn’t have been further from the truth. As I opened up about my struggle, more and more people opened up about theirs. I no longer feel alone. I feel loved and accepted. Isn’t that what we all want? Don’t we all want to be loved for who we are, and not who we pretend to be? It is one of the most incredible feelings to experience when you express your struggles and find acceptance waiting for you.
I encourage anyone who is hiding behind false happiness and fake joy to admit you are struggling to at least one person. Let someone know that your life is not as perfect as you let on, and you need someone to be there in your times of weakness. Be brave. I know you can be!
I just wanted to put out this post because I wanted to let you all know how thankful for how open an accepting everyone is here on WordPress. As a person who struggles with anxiety, I have always been timid to open up about the true struggles of the disorder for fear of judgement and being perceived differently. There is a huge stigma surrounding mental disorders in general (though I’m not sure that calling it a mental disorder helps much since the phrase “mental” is slung around in such a negative way). As I have opened up, everyone has had so many kind words and people have even shared their own personal stories that are very similar to my own. I have just been flooded with support and I just wanted to thank everyone for their words of kindness. It feels unbelievably good to know that I am not alone in my struggles, and I am not judged for something that is beyond my control.