Emotionally drained

Today was a very emotionally draining day. This morning I got a call from my father letting me know my grandma had passed away last night. She was 92 and had lived a very full life, so I am happy for the life she was able to live. She was a very strong woman and had taken up leadership roles and took part in politics when that was not something women did. She did not let her gender keep her from doing what she wanted. She followed her passions and made her way in life, no matter what anyone said. I have lots of fun memories with my grandma and I will always treasure them.

I hate that I am so far from my family during this time, and I wish there was more I could do to help. So in the mean time, I am sending out my prayers and continuing to call/text to be emotionally supportive to my father.

On a slight deviation from my grandmother, my emotional day continued when I came seconds away from relapsing into another panic attack. Currently I am out of town at At a work conference, so I do not have my own vehicle. We have been given a huge white van to drive and none of us have much experience driving large vehicles. The woman who drove it, whom I am thankful for, did a good job handling it, but we got stuck in horrendous traffic. We are not use to traffic because own town is tiny so we never think about those sorts of delays. Two of my panic arrack triggers is traffic jams and feeling sick. While we were stuck in the traffic, I started to get car sick! Both of my triggers were occurring at the same time and I started to feel my body slip into the beginning stages of panic. My arms went numb and I started to get real hot and fidgety. I closed my eyes and tried to stay positive, and I also told my close friend who happened to be one of the ladies on this trip with me. She then tried to encourage me and helped me take my mind off the encroaching panic. We ended up being stuck In traffic for over an hour and a half. Our trip was only 18 miles… However, the best part is that I never did have that panic attack!

Needless to say, I feel very emotionally drained from the death of my grandmother and fighting off the panic attack. Tomorrow is a new day and I will see it in a new light. Grandma is in a wonderful place and has been reunited with the love of her life! And my panic was beaten and I can do it again if I need to!!

Goodnight!