Very Hard Day

Today, a member of my family said she was considering suicide. She claimed that she was afraid she was going to have to do it because it was the only way out. She said she cannot stop her dark thoughts, and she knows that no one in the world cares about her at all.

These statements did not take me by surprise, because she has been struggling for years, but she has never before said it so clearly. I felt it was prudent to take action.

I sought counsel from a close friend, who is in the mental health field, and after an hour long conversation, we felt the next step would be to have her go to the emergency room. However, the difficult part is that this family member is on my husband’s side. He would have to be on board, and being so close to the situation, and dealing with the issues his entire life, he doesn’t see it the same way as I do.

He told me she was fine, originally, but I know he knows she isn’t. He mentioned to go to the hospital to check her blood pressure, and she refused. She wants to set up a doctor’s appointment to check her meds, because she hasn’t checked in with the doctor since 2015 because she doesn’t trust doctors. They have just been refilling her prescription without meeting with her.

I am very worried about her safety, however, the family continues to live with their head in the sand and wants to just smooth things over so she is happy. Which she never is. They don’t want to upset her. There is only so much I can do in the situation without their consent. It’s horrible just watching it spiral without anyone acting.

Please send prayers that the family has the strength to do what needs to the be done and that the doctors will have the wisdom to help in the way she needs.

Lower Anxiety makes for a better week

This week my anxiety has been so much lower than the past few weeks! And it is such a relief. I am finally beginning to feel better, after fighting the worst cold I have ever had for the last two weeks, and it feels good to be halfway human again! Yay! It is much easier to control my anxiety when I at full capacity!

Yay to low anxiety!!

If you are struggling with your anxiety, don’t give up! Yes it sucks, but you can get through it! I always remind myself that it will pass. Even when it feels like it won’t. It will.

You are strong. You will beat it!

Weekly progress

This week my anxiety has been a little higher than normal. This is mostly related to my “monthly visitor” but, regardless, I have had a difficult time managing it. Most of my frustration was put on my husband, which is completely unfair. He is an incredible man, and doesn’t deserve to be the barer of my anxiety. He was very understanding, even though he did call me out on it (which is why I love him).

I found I was also anxious about my daughter growing up too fast! She is only 15 months, but since she has been walking she seems to have blossomed into an adorable little toddler. What the heck? It is overwhelming sometimes to think about how fast time goes, and I don’t want to loose these precious little moments with her now. I know I am overreacting a little, but it’s honest. I want to keep her safe from the world forever, and always cuddle her at bedtime.

To help my anxiety, I have been spending more time in the Word and in prayer. This has helped immensely. After my time with God, I have felt lighter and less anxious. I Am going to work on continuing to draw close to God when I am anxious, and not take it out on those I love the most! ❤️

New Year Resolutions as Told by an Anxious Individual

January 1st inevitably brings discussions about how we can better ourselves for the upcoming year. Loose weight. Quit smoking. Stop eating sweets. Go to the gym more. These are all great goals, but I want to make sure that we do not forget that change comes from the inside out. 

This year, instead of focusing on ways we can improve our outside, we need to focus on strengthening our inside. My life long struggle with anxiety has taught me that if my mind is focused on negativity and fear, my outer-self will reflect those thoughts.

I have wasted MANY years praying for God to take away my anxiety. I desperately wanted to be “normal,” and not struggle with fear of everyday activities others seemed to have no issue with completing. I  longed to be able to wake up in the morning without my chest tightening at the thought of getting out of bed. I wanted to sit in the middle of a U shaped booth without having a panic attack. These thoughts and wishes are all very valid, however, they were not helping me on my path towards healing.

During 2015, God taught me that I must first accept my anxiety before I can live my life in peace. That peace does not mean that I will no longer have anxiety. This type of peace is centered around understanding that I will have anxiety for the rest of my life, but (and here is the key) it’s ok. It is apart of who I am. Does it suck? Absolutely. Does it make me any less of a person? No. In fact, I have written many posts about how anxiety has made me a stronger than I ever could have been without it.

Over the years, I have learned techniques to cope with my existing anxiety such as yoga, journaling/blogging, daily bible study, and medication. These strategies have not eliminated my anxiety, but they have helped me gain back control of my life. Anxiety no longer controls me.

This year, as my New Year’s resolution, I am going to work on loving myself – just as I am. Anxiety and all. I am not going to put myself down or try and wish away any of my faults. I am going to work accepting myself and seeing myself as the beautiful creation I was made to be.

I encourage all of you who struggle with self acceptance, to work on the same resolution. You are perfect! Just as you are. Flaws and all. It is what makes you who you are, and who you are is wonderful.

Happy New Year, and may 2016 bring you happiness.

Mental Disorders and Societal Expectations

Last week I was incredibly turbulent emotionally, and I am experiencing a little carry over of those emotions this week. I notice that I am continuing my thought patterns and that is not leading to positive thoughts. So to help express and release these thoughts from my mental cycle, I am going to share a particular inner argument that has been plaguing me…

I have been struggling with popularity of the stereotypes that accompany mental disorders. I have noticed that anytime someone is arrested, the news report always includes the fact the person is “mentally ill”. I hate this because slapping that label onto a negative situation automaticlly adds onto the already previlent stereotypes of mental disorders. What the news doesn’t often tell is is that there are millions of people who work hard everyday to overcome those stereotypes and move beyond their disorders.

Why is it that society has to slap on an “mentally ill” label on anyone who defiles the law? It almost seems that the society has already decided that people with mental disorders are corrupt. Bums. Thieves. Murderers. Scum. Do some people who suffer from mental illness do terrible things? Yes. Does that mean that everyone with a mental illness is going to eventually do something terrible? No!

So these have been my thoughts and I have really been struggling with with this the last few weeks. How can we expect to break the stereotypes of mental illness when we continue to connect it with negative connotations? We need to start spreading the word about the truth and showing the positive people that live a full life everyday in spite of their disorder.

Thank you for listening to my rant – I feel better already! 🙂

Be an Arrow

In life we will experience difficulties and hardships. It will not be easy, by any stretch of the imagination. As many of you know, I have wrestled with an anxiety disorder my entire life and have had my fair share of ups and downs as a result. I use to pray everyday, multiple times a day, for God to take it from me. To give me any other affliction except anxiety. However, He saw a bigger plan. I now see that my anxiety allows me to help others who are experiencing the same pains as I do. I can relate and help them feel less alone. Less afraid.

I came across a beautiful quote that compared life to an arrow. It talked about how an arrow can only shoot if it is pulled back. And in the process of being pulled back it prepares to be launched forward. This is a perfect example of our lives. We have to remember that “being pulled back” or the downs in our life, doesn’t mean that our life it is over. It only means that we are about to be launched into an amazing future!

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