Earlier this week my husband and I sat down and talked, openly and honestly, about when we want to begin trying to have a baby. If you have read any of my previous posts, you will remember that I’ve talked a lot about my desire to have a baby. Needless to say, I have intense baby fever!
In the past, my husband and I have had many conversations about starting a family, but it felt like we were on different pages. I wanted to make sure that we want to have children for the right reasons. Sometimes there can be pressure for couples to have children, because it is what is expected. I didn’t want my husband to ever feel pressured if he isn’t ready to start yet.
However, after our conversation, it turns out he has been warming up to the idea, and is ready to start in the Spring! I am very excited, and nervous at the same time. Having a baby is, as you know, a huge change. Nothing will ever be the same. However, we are both finally ready!
Over the last few months, I have written a few posts about my baby fever. With work back in full swing, after an amazing summer off, baby fever took a back seat. However, last night I had a dream that we were pregnant and the fever is back with a renewed vitality! To take the edge off, I have been pinning baby articles on Pinterest and watching Netflix.
We are talking about starting to try for a baby when the New Year comes around, and I have to admit that with the excitement, there is nervousness. Like, what happens to my anxiety when I go off my medication? What if I am sick the whole time? Will labor be 24 hours long? These are the questions that go through my head as the new year gets closer and closer.
For all you mothers out there, how did you handle the fears of pregnancy and motherhood? Was there any way you helped calm your fears? And also, what do you do when you have an anxiety disorder and you’re pregnant?
I am finding that the closer I come to 30, just over 1 month, the higher my baby fever roses. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have always had a concern about how my body will react to pregnancy, my anxiety in particular. About a month ago I went and spoke with my doctor and discussed my options. I am happy that there are options for women with anxiety who become pregnant. I feel that a weight is off my shoulders now and I can have actually have a baby and most of my fears are just that. Fear. I have an amazing husband and family who will be there for me and help me every step of the way! I am looking forward to seeing what this year brings! Perhaps there will be a little one now that that is possible! YAY!
Well, today I went to my dear friend’s first birthday party for her son and now I have serious baby fever! There were so many little kids and they were all so adorable! I can’t believe there was a time when I never wanted children. It must be my internal clock ticking down the months until I turn thirty! Ahh!
So over the last few weeks I have been crazy with the baby bug! It’s crazy, because I never thought I would catch it. Being 29 years old and never feeling the pull towards children, I never thought I would develop maternal instincts. It is kind of exciting and scary all at the same time to feel the urge to be a mother. I have a lot of fear about being pregnant because I am afraid of what it could possibly do to my anxiety. I do not want my anxiety to be a raging beast while I would be pregnant. Also, considering some of my anxiousness is caused from the fear of being sick (very annoying) I think having morning sickness would really push my anxiety over the edge. I have been working on sorting through these fears and trying to rationalize them. I do not want to miss out on the opportunity of being a mother just because I am anxious about the process of having the child.
I would also be completely open to adopting a baby. As a teacher I see so many amazing kids being unloved at home and it breaks my heart I already feel as if I am a mother to all of them since I play multiple roles during the day to these kids. Teacher, mother, nurse, and counselor. I would love to give a child who desperately needs a stable home a spoiled upbringing. I believe every child should be spoiled 🙂 (but not to the point where they are bratty of course! Boundaries are healthy) The calling to adopt has really been heavy on my heart.
I am not sure what path we will decide on, but I am looking forward to what God has in store for us. 🙂