Hit Hard

Last night something triggered my anxiety (not sure what) but it was raging out of control. I felt like I was no longer in control of my thoughts, and they were leading down a dark path. I have always found it difficult to combat anxiety at night, because nighttime means quiet. There is nothing to distract me when I feel the strong grip of anxiety start to take hold, and that’s exactly what happened last night. I lost control.

My husband woke up in the middle of the night and I told him about my struggle, and he was able to comfort me, but not free me from it. I was finally able to fall asleep, but anxiety followed me into the morning.

I spent a lot of the morning in prayer as I went about my daily routine. I felt weak mentally, so I knew the only way I could win was through funneling my thoughts towards God. Things finally began to turn around when I heard a song on the radio talking about in our dark times, we need God. In that moment, I was reminded that I am not the only one in this battle. I am not the only person who has dark moments. I felt myself begin to take back control, and slowly, peace replaced anxiety.

I felt I learned that when I am hit hardest with anxiety, I tend to isolate myself. I feel like I’m the only person who has dark moments. But I am not! If you ever feel this way, know that I am there with you! We are all in this together! I believe that Satan wants us to feel isolated, because alone we are weak. But together we are strong!

Anxiety is a difficult beast to understand, but bringing it into the light, helps lessen its grip! Bring yours into the light. You can win, just as I did today!

Choose your reaction

Today when you are experiencing a moment in your day that isn’t going according to plan, choose your reaction. Don’t allow anger or frustration, or sadness to win. Take a moment and choose to be at peace. Say, “Ok, God, this isn’t what I expected, but I will trust that it will be ok.” How much better will our day become if we treat all of our unexpected circumstances in this way?

This is my challenge to you. And myself.

No Complaining!

Today I am going to focus on all the wonderful things I have in my life. Nothing bad. Nothing negative. My focus is on the good. I want to instill this mindset on my students! I hear so many of them talking poorly about themselves and their lives. Yes there are students who have horrible lives and they have a right to complain, but I want to teach them to find the good in the world!

Why do I worry?

Why do I worry what people think?

There is nothing I can do to change it.

Why does my mind go in circles?

I just relieve the same moment.

Why can’t I be confident all the time?

I need to trust myself and be strong.

It’s time I let it all go.

Give to God what I cannot control.

I cannot take up space in my mind.

I give it all to God.

Changing a Negative Mind

It is a challenge to really consider what you are thinking about. To self-reflect on the constant influx of thoughts, and sort out the good from the bad. The negative from the positive. However, this nearly insurmountable task is vital to our emotional health! After all, we are what we think. If you want to be positive, you must allow only positive thoughts to occupy the foreground of your mind. If a negative thought ever pops up, you need to push it away. Fight back with a counter-thought. Something positive. Keep fighting! Never give up! We were created to live for so much more than what we allow ourselves to become. Choose positivity. Retrain your mind and find the good.

Fighting back

I am fighting back at my anxiety. It can’t keep winning. My stress at work and with my friends has been very high, I can’t let it get any higher. Anxiety will not take anymore of my life. I have a daughter now, and she deserves 100% of her mom, and I will make that happen.

To combat the anxiety, I am going to post a bible verse each day for the rest of the month, to fill my mind and heart with God.

This reminds me that no matter what, God will be at my side. Even when it feels like he isn’t there, He is. He carries me when I am weak. What an amazing God we have!

An Anxious Mother

Having an anxiety disorder is difficult. Sprinkle on being a MOM with an anxiety disorder; well that’s an entirely new story! I have been working to navigate my anxiety since my beautiful daughter was born 8 months ago. It has been under control, for the most part, but there are times when it isn’t. Those are the rough times. Extra so now that I have Eisley.

There are SO many things to worrry about as a parent! I had no idea! Pretty much everything is a hazard. Yesterday I gave her some remnants of the peanut I had eaten off my finger, and afterwards I was terrified she was going to have an allergic reaction! (She didn’t by the way. She was fine!)

I try not to think about what could go wrong, or what could hurt her, too much. But it’s hard not to. When I find myself lost in panic, I turn my thoughts into prayers, and do my best to let God take it. Easier said than done, but it is a work in progress.

As of now, my anxiety is low and I have been soaking up the joy of the weekend. It is monsoon season here in Arizona, and it rained all day! It was amazing!

I am working on living in the moment with my husband and daughter, and I am treasuring the blessings they both bring me each day. Even though anxiety sucks, I refuse to let it steal anymore time from me! I will carry on in spite of it! God gives me the strength to defeat it!

Sorry for the silence

It has been a crazy month, and I apologize for not posting much. Things are going really well with my baby girl! She continues to grow slowly but surely. She is up to 8 lbs 4 oz now!! She has quadrupled in size over the last five months. She ha started baby talking now, and it is incredible! 

My anxiety has come back a little bit, but not enough to take control. It has gotten much over a 5 out of 10. I have been combating it with prayer and positive self talk. As much as I would like to say that I have gotten ride of my anxiety, I know that I can’t because it is part of who I am. It may be a weakness, however, I use it to give me strength. It won’t control me or take any time away from my daughter! 

But I am loving being a mother and I am looking forward to this summer vacation so I can spend every moment snuggling my baby girl! 

Three months!

It has been 3 months since my darling daughter entered this world 2 and a half months early; weighing only 2 lbs 14 oz. These last three months have been a wild roller-coaster of constantly shifting emotions, but i know God has been in control the entire time. Eisley is healthy, and beautiful! She weighs 6 lbs 5 oz now and is feisty as ever! I love this girl so much!